The term “instant” is used frequently these days, to the point of losing meaning. There’s “instant” popcorn, “instant” oatmeal, instant canopies etc etc. The problem is, what is an instant? There isn’t actually a time unit called an “instant,” which allows people to apply it to a variety of situations. Much like the scene in “There’s Something About Mary” where the crazy motorist talks about coming up with a brilliant idea: 7 Minute Abs! Why would anyone in their right mind pay for 8 Minute Abs, which is obviously inferior to the 7 Minute Abs product? All the abs of 8 Minute Abs, but in 12.5% less time! This of course is a slippery slope. If 7 Minute Abs are superior to 8 Minute Abs, then wouldn’t 6 Minute Abs be better still? And then 5 Minute Abs? Where does this arms race lead, and where does it end? You know the answer as well as I do: Global Thermonuclear War.
Well, maybe not.
In any event it should be apparent that the moniker “instant” is a dangerous thing to toss around all willy-nilly. That is why I have devised a proposal for a new internationally recognized instant as a unit of measurement, similar to the second, minute, and hour. The “instant” would be measured as the time it takes to unpack, and set up an ez up style canopy. I know this begs the question “But who would be the person that sets up the tent for the measurement timing?” I think it should be the world’s fastest man, Usain Bolt. This would represent a philosophical difference in ideology from the person who came up with “horsepower” as a unit of measurement. The horse used in that test was a weak horse on it’s last leg, leading to the overinflated horespower numbers seen on cars currently. After all, with as quick as instant canopies are to set up, this is a very reasonable idea, in my humble opinion. What are your thoughts on this? Should this be the new measurement of the term “instant?” Leave your comments below and let me know what you think.